I know ultimately this won’t matter in the grand scheme of things and I shouldn’t care what others think, but just hoping for any commiseration LOL.

Anyone else being driven a bit crazy by the auto-expectations that people have that all Indian weddings are lavish? Like “aren’t you doing this, or that”, “I’ve seen Netflix shows of Indian weddings your wedding is going to be WILD”. Etc.

As a budget bride (desi based in the US marrying a non-desi) it kinda sucks to have people assume that we’re doing a week of glitzy events and say they’re planning their outfit for the mehendi etc then express disappointment when I tell them we’re only doing a 1 day wedding (which is going to be hopefully fun but far from extravagant).

Or looking at me sideways when I say we don’t have a florist and are doing DIY decor. Like I’ve let them down as an Indian.

Idk. It’s nice that people are excited i guess, but i’m just exhausted especially people assuming that all desi’s are swimming in cash thanks to movies and tv.

says, u/mosvaluableplayer

I found it super annoying.

I also felt like people were looking at my wedding as some kind of circus and were more focused on living out their own weird fantasy of attending an “exotic Indian wedding” than caring at all what I wanted or how I felt about my wedding.

Like I was somehow expected to cater to everyone else’s desires around what they hoped to experience as an attendee on MY wedding day as opposed to what I cared about. It was really off putting.

Says u/againsttheodds33

Totally! I even had someone (fiancé’s friends) asking me “can we henna?” Which i found off putting since

a) henna is not a verb and

b) mehndi is a meaningful tradition not just a fashion statement.

THIS. It wasn’t about me and my partner, it was about getting to experience the lore that was the Indian wedding.

We had to cut the guest list and remove some friends we’re no longer in close touch with, and through the grape vine I heard they were sad that they didn’t get invited because I was “their only Desi friend and was their only chance to go to an Indian wedding”

OP, I had the small low key wedding of my dreams and have no regrets! It was very Indian, surrounded by family, but not in the way depicted on TV

says, u/parallelopiped

You’re not alone!

I’m already getting texts from friends saying how excited they are but I personally don’t plan on having a week long round of events.

I’m also marrying a non-Indian and my partner and I are covering the costs so we’re trying to be creative in ways we can save.

For decor we’re even thinking to just hire one of his buddies who has experience in decorating some major events (fashion shows, galas etc).

The way I see it is do what makes YOU happy. Years from now you’ll be the one who remembers your day, people will always judge and have things to say even if you throw a 500k wedding lol

Says, u/petitebrownie

I completely agree lmao every time people hear that I had an indian wedding, they think $$$$$$ was spent. While we had a small covid wedding 😂

says, u/chicbeauty

My biggest thing was when people tell guests "don't worry about dressing up a ton, you can't possibly outshine an Indian bride." Like damn that's quite the standard to live up to! I'm supposed to wear a super heavy outfit and jewelry just so I stand out from the guests?

(I mean that ended up being the case for me...but still such an intense expectation)

says, u/burntsiennaa

No, people say that because the whole bridal look is unique. It's very easy to spot who the bride is vs a guest. I went with simple outfits + jewelry, but I still stood out

says, u/mosvaluableplayer

Yes!!! Everyone is excited to attend their first and only Indian wedding and I'm over here thinking, this isn't an event to fulfill your cultural desires.

That being said, it is nice that people are very excited! What makes an Indian (or other Desi) wedding so much fun is the vibe of the crowd and excitement- no matter how lavish or "simple", that can definitely be achieved!

Have an amazing wedding day and have the best time!

says, u/Fluid-Scholar3169

We aren’t doing flowers. Not a single one. Or a cake. But I did spend $4000 on my custom made bridal lehenga. I’m non desi marrying into an Indian family.

Says, u/Serious-wolf-4713

This is the latest paranoia invading my mind lately.

I was asking close friends recently how to bring that across in the invitations, because I don’t know how to set expectations that this isn’t going to be a big, fancy event without directly saying to people “lower your expectations.” Lol.

I keep trying to remind myself: the goal is love and low-key and creating our new family.

We will provide people food and drink and music and entertainment and if they like it, they like it, if they don’t, we probably shouldn’t have invited them. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I gotta pay for college in a few years! My kid might need a car! I want to retire eventually! These are the goals that are more important to me. The spectacle is not it.

Says, u/imadeanaccountweee

Totally. I feel like it’s ludicrous to even have to entertain the idea of including any disclaimer in the invitation since no one would do that for a traditional American wedding…