Photos in Wrightsville, Beach
Disclaimer: The photo above does not depict the couples mentioned in this article. It is included solely for illustrative purposes, while certain Reddit threads I discovered online have proven useful.
I’m getting married to my lovely fiancée in just over a year. We want our wedding to be fun, and have tried to break some traditions while still keeping to the basic blueprints of an average American wedding. We mostly want our wedding to be lighthearted and a bit unique while still looking like a wedding.
For example, one small thing is that my dress will be teal, and my partner will be wearing a dark teal suit. Instead of having bridesmaids, we’ll be having brides people of multiple genders. We also will be throwing (in addition to a bouquet) a stuffed cat, that anyone of any gender can try and catch, to represent who will adopt a cat next in their life. We want to choose our own music for the reception, which will include some mid 2000’s rock (nothing too heavy, we just both used to be emo) and songs by lesbian/sapphic artists. My fiancée is a musician and wants to have an open mic for her friends to play live music.
I just think it’s the little details that can add up and make an event really special. I haven’t been to a wedding since I was a kid (I’m in my mid 20s now) so I may have forgotten some of the more crucial components, but that’s why I’m posting here!
Queer things we did at our wedding:
- have queer vendors!! Wherever possible, we hired some combo of queer-owned, POC-owned, women-owned, and/or local-owned businesses and it felt soooo special on the day of. It also made paying feel easier lol.
- photo booth with pride props, including pride and trans flags - this was a huge hit actually.
- walked down the aisle hand in hand. ❤️ we're introverts and didn't want the extra individual attention without each other, and it just felt so right to go into it together.
- no gendered language in our vows. For example, our officiant friend said "I now pronounce you married! You may now kiss."
- Tiny detail but "restroom" sign instead of gendered bathrooms... We had a lot of non-binary folks including my spouse 😊
- We skipped any traditions that weren't important to us. 🤷♀️
I live in the south an hour and a half from the nearest city, so queer vendors are out of my price range or non-existent where I am. But luckily, all of the vendors I’ve chosen so far are local! I would love to have queer-owned businesses at my wedding, but it just isn’t possible with my location and budget. I am getting a queer friend of mine to possibly draw a silhouette/cartoon style image of me and my fiancée for the wedding, though.
I’ll definitely do a Photo Booth sort of thing! I have an Instax camera for fun little pictures, and people can always use their phones if I provide props and a nice backdrop. I like the idea of lots of rainbows 🌈
I’m also a fan of gender neutrality for the vows and restrooms. I’ll see what the venue allows for that, but my priest would 100% be down for even using gender neutral or feminine pronouns to refer to God. I’m not very religious, but he’s said in his sermons how God doesn’t conform to human expectations of gender, and She loves us all as we are.
Instead of a cake cutting later in the reception, we did a pizza cutting to start our reception. (Our first date was at a pizza place).
Instead of a guestbook or photo booth, we hired a silhouette artist because we love classic amusement parks and got our silhouette cut on our first trip to a theme park together. It seems like you're already doing this, but just think of things personal to your story, and add it in! Food, music, activities, clothes, mementos
That’s adorable about the pizza! My first date involved going to a crepe place and then watching Sonic the Hedgehog in theaters. Not sure how I could bring that in, but I’ll think of something. We also watched horror movies and the Harley Quinn movie early on in our dating, so maybe I could slip some references to that in my wedding.
So, there’s only two local bakeries that I’ve found who do wedding cakes. One I’m not a fan of, and the second hasn’t responded to my emails. I may just have to go with the bakery I don’t like, but I was thinking of doing a bunch of cupcakes with a small and fancy one-tier cake to cut into. If that all goes to hell, I could always do donuts! I just found a bakery today in the town where I’ll hold my reception that has the most wonderful unique donuts!
We had a gelato Vespa and a little prosecco truck around the dancing instead of a cake (did a small, but very over the top, Tuscan wedding) my wife wore a white suit from Knot Standard, my dress was white. We both wore Gucci shoes (we were in Italy, we committed to that apparently), our florist spoke to us each to make bouquets that complimented our florals, but we’re totally unique to each of us. We had a quartet for ceremony and cocktail hour. So she walked down to a Coldplay song, my dad and I to “she’s a rainbow,” exited to bittersweet symphony. She picked a Hemingway piece as a “reading” and I had my sister read part of the Obergefell decision (little nod to my background, and living in DC). We cranked out a first dance pre dinner, and has the quartet do Elton John “your song” then family style dinner, and we danced the night away, and jumped in the pool instead of a bouquet toss
That’s so fancy! That sounds so wonderful 🥰. I haven’t even thought about flowers yet, and I know that’s a BIG expense for weddings. I grew up near DC and currently live close enough to take a day trip there, so I could add some references to that.
Italy was a lot more reasonable, my florals would have been a bare MINIMUM!!!! Of 7 times more. The music is fun. The suggested playlist we sent the DJ, homie thought it was a prank. Um I’m a millennial in Italy, we silk play Lizzie McGuire “dreams are made of” half the legally blonde soundtrack (hoku perfect day), S Club. Lean into whatever is going to make you destroy a dance floor! But there are ways to make things appear as if they are a different budget. I love a sale, and I liken it to that (girl math?)
Maybe have some other things to do besides dancing! I’ve never been much of a dancer so weddings can make me feel like a party pooper. Like a few poker tables, or even just cards and/or dice on the tables for people who aren’t dancing.
A small silent auction could be fun, if you have anyone friends that are diy-ers you could open up to donations and then donate any proceeds to an LGBT charity or another cause you’re passionate about.
My cousin did a thing where they had a box with a wine bottle in it, and people could write little notes and put them in there, then they opened it and read the notes and drank the wine on their first anniversary. I thought that was cute, they said they got a good mix of silly and sweet notes.
Those are all wonderful ideas! My fiancée and I love tabletop games, so we may use your idea and put games on each table. The silent auction would be fun too, I have some artist friends that would probably be willing to donate.
I live with my partner, so we were thinking instead of doing a wedding registry, we would want to put up a honeymoon fund. We want to go to Spain to visit my fiancée’s family there, but travel is expensive! I don’t have a ton of savings since I’m in my mid 20s and just started working a couple years ago. I know it’s not the smartest idea, but ever since COVID I’ve realized how quickly everything can be taken away from you, so I want to get married while I’m healthy and in a stable spot.
At the least wedding I went to, the couple sawed a small log through together with a saw right after their vows. Apparently its an old German tradition to demonstrate how the couple will overcome obstacles through teamwork. Technically it is traditional, but probably not a tradition any of your guests have seen before, and its a great way to set the ambiance if the ceremony is outdoors.
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