Photos by Pink Penguin Studios
Disclaimer: The photo above does not depict the couples mentioned in this article. It is included solely for illustrative purposes, while certain Reddit threads I discovered online have proven useful.
We were raised Catholic but are no longer religious. Standard Catholic wedding vows are pretty much always what I imagined for my own wedding, though.
“I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death does us part.”
It pretty much encapsulates everything I’d want to say, short, sweet, and to the point.
Are people going to think this is weird since we’re having a secular wedding?
I'm probably in the minority, but writing our own vows feels way too intimate and performative for us as a couple. It's cute when other people do it but the idea feels way too stressful in action lol. We will be doing standard vows with a touch of personality infused into them by our officiate who knows us well.
Plus a lot of people misunderstand what vows are supposed to be and just read aloud what is basically a love letter. Imo wedding guests don't need to be told what I love about my spouse or why I love them so much or our whole life story. Most of them already know, or it's not their business.
Omg thank you! I thought I was the only one who thinks the love letter vows are weird. As a guest, it's kind of awkward to sit there and listen to the couple spend that long telling each other why they love them. Obviously we know you love them, otherwise we wouldn't be at your wedding! Lol
Obviously it’s impossible to not throw in some nice things about your partner or even to tell a short story but I hate when the vows are a page of “Thanks for putting up with me” with a few sentences of “I promise to be here for you” at the end lol
This is all I want. My partner knows I love him. My friends and family know I love him. I don't need to make any additional public declarations and it would feel awkward and weird for me to do so. The classic vows are meaningful enough.
We didn't write our own vows. We used some we found online, which were less traditional than this but had very similar sentiments. I liked that we both promised each other the same things (which you usually don't get when you write your own).
I think it's become more popular for sure, but I've still seen a mix of standard and personalized vows. My husband and I liked the idea of writing our own vows but just couldn't think of what we wanted to say. We went with the standard vows our secular officiant said they usually do. It still felt personal and special when we did it.
I had a secular wedding with traditional vows! I really dislike couples writing their own vows. I’ve been to a couple weddings lately where couples wrote their own vows, and the feelings were so different it made me uncomfortable (one person made theirs light/jokey, the other made theirs VERY solemn/serious). I also hate that vows have become more a chance to profess love than an actual vow. But that’s my personal opinion.
I felt the same way - I don’t really want to write our own vows (secular wedding, but at a church) but it seems like everything I read is borderline pressuring me to do it, like our wedding will be devoid of soul and emotion without personal vows. I don’t mind others doing it except that it seems like everyone has to put in things like “and I promise not to make fun of your enthusiasm for reality TV” and other kind of shallow but quirky add ins. Maybe we’ll read each other personal vows privately but publicly is too personal for me.
So interesting to hear! I went to a wedding this past weekend, which was the first couple out of all my friends that didn’t write their own vows. I have only been to 2 weddings my older sibling and this one who didn’t. I don’t think it’s weird at all! The majority of my friends have written their own vows & we are doing the same.
I had a semi religious wedding (Unitarian ceremony but my husband is catholic and I’m Methodist, however neither of us is active or practices) and my husband and I 1000% did NOT want to write our own vows.
It’s such a personal thing, spilling your heart out about how you feel about each other. Plus the pressure to say something specific or to “match” each other’s sentimentality was unappealing and could possibly lead to disappointment. And I didn’t want to potentially cry and ruin my makeup etc. We did the standard answer back vows and I’m still happy with my decision. And I know my husband is too!
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