Lazy-Chef1770

I'm probably in the minority, but writing our own vows feels way too intimate and performative for us as a couple. It's cute when other people do it but the idea feels way too stressful in action lol. We will be doing standard vows with a touch of personality infused into them by our officiate who knows us well.

dairy-intolerant

Plus a lot of people misunderstand what vows are supposed to be and just read aloud what is basically a love letter. Imo wedding guests don't need to be told what I love about my spouse or why I love them so much or our whole life story. Most of them already know, or it's not their business.

Original-Opportunity

Yes exactly!! A vow isn’t a comedy bit about promising to eat more vegetables or always walk the dog... It’s not supposed to be funny or whimsical!

KathrynTheGreat

Omg thank you! I thought I was the only one who thinks the love letter vows are weird. As a guest, it's kind of awkward to sit there and listen to the couple spend that long telling each other why they love them. Obviously we know you love them, otherwise we wouldn't be at your wedding! Lol

VictreeS

THANK YOU. We are writing our own vows but I said to my fiancé you are writing vows, making promises about our future, not telling the story of how we got here.

Obviously it’s impossible to not throw in some nice things about your partner or even to tell a short story but I hate when the vows are a page of “Thanks for putting up with me” with a few sentences of “I promise to be here for you” at the end lol

3monkeys4me

I feel the same way. We used traditional vows for our wedding but wrote vows that we said to each other privately. It’s been 21 years since we were married and I still feel that was the best decision for us.

la_bibliothecaire

Agreed, we felt the same. Fortunately, Jewish weddings don't really have vows like Christian weddings, there's no "I do", so it's easier to skip personalized vows.

derthlin

Same, my partner wrote some pagan vows that sound very nice and it's not too intimate and we are going to say them at the same time.

LilBoKraut2022

We felt the same. I know how he feels about me and I know how I feel about him, we didn’t need to share all those intimate big feelings with our family and friends. We had a “Catholic lite” ceremony and used the standard vows and absolute do not regret it.

PrincessPinkie-22

agreed! the whole idea of me pouring my heart out with “love letter vows” is very cringe to me.

0Celcius32fahrenheit

I'm doing the same thing.

My friend, who is officiating, asked if we planned to write our own vows. He visibly sighed in relief when we told him no and that we wanted to do the standard classic vow.

WastingTime-2

This is all I want. My partner knows I love him. My friends and family know I love him. I don't need to make any additional public declarations and it would feel awkward and weird for me to do so. The classic vows are meaningful enough.

(Absolutely no disrespect to anyone who does want personalized vows, it's just not for me).

OP, your wedding is about you and your partner - go with what you prefer.

_littlestranger



We didn't write our own vows. We used some we found online, which were less traditional than this but had very similar sentiments. I liked that we both promised each other the same things (which you usually don't get when you write your own).

People gave us lots of compliments on the vows we chose. No one thought it was weird.

Our officiant did share our "story" and read out some things we'd each told her about our relationship, so the ceremony included personal details but we didn't have to say them.

introvertatheart



This is exactly what we did. There was just something about repeating vows that millions of others have said before us that meant something to me, can't explain it. The words mean something, and have meant something through the ages, and we just wanted to be part of it as well :)

ApartmentAware8205



We are having a secular wedding and also using the standard traditional vows. I'm not a fan of saying my own vows in front of everyone, we are saying our own vows privately

EleganceandEloquence

No? These are some of the most standard vows there are, and people use them in religious and secular ceremonies.

Miserable_Put5273

I just feel like I haven’t been to a wedding in the last five years where people didn’t write their own vows.

KiraiEclipse

I think it's become more popular for sure, but I've still seen a mix of standard and personalized vows. My husband and I liked the idea of writing our own vows but just couldn't think of what we wanted to say. We went with the standard vows our secular officiant said they usually do. It still felt personal and special when we did it.

EleganceandEloquence

I'm not writing my own vows, and I haven't been to a wedding in the last few years where they wrote their own vows. If you're really that worried about it, write them or change the wording a little.

MrsIscariot

I had a secular wedding with traditional vows! I really dislike couples writing their own vows. I’ve been to a couple weddings lately where couples wrote their own vows, and the feelings were so different it made me uncomfortable (one person made theirs light/jokey, the other made theirs VERY solemn/serious). I also hate that vows have become more a chance to profess love than an actual vow. But that’s my personal opinion.

I say go for the traditional if you like that! No one will think it’s weird.

pastafogcheesesticks

THIS! When people write their own vows, they are almost never “vows”. More like them sharing the things they love about their partner. I think this is a nice thing to share, but maybe in a letter or during a first look before the ceremony - not necessarily to replace “vows”.

Miserable_Put5273

Yeah, I kind of feel like the ‘vow’ part gets lost sometimes. I’ve listened to some rollicking histories of the couple’s whole relationship at the exchanging of vows.

n0th3r3t0mak3fr13nds

Personally, I find the whole self-written “I vow to always save you the last slice of pizza and not complain about washing your dirty socks” incredibly cheesy/cringey.

anna_alabama

My husband and I wrote private vows for our first look, and we didn’t do any vows during the ceremony. All of the weddings I’ve been to over the past few years have done traditional vows during the ceremony and private vows beforehand.

harlequindolly

I felt the same way - I don’t really want to write our own vows (secular wedding, but at a church) but it seems like everything I read is borderline pressuring me to do it, like our wedding will be devoid of soul and emotion without personal vows. I don’t mind others doing it except that it seems like everyone has to put in things like “and I promise not to make fun of your enthusiasm for reality TV” and other kind of shallow but quirky add ins. Maybe we’ll read each other personal vows privately but publicly is too personal for me.

initialsareabc

So interesting to hear! I went to a wedding this past weekend, which was the first couple out of all my friends that didn’t write their own vows. I have only been to 2 weddings my older sibling and this one who didn’t. I don’t think it’s weird at all! The majority of my friends have written their own vows & we are doing the same.

For us it just made it more personal to our relationship.

BeccaW_0321

I had a semi religious wedding (Unitarian ceremony but my husband is catholic and I’m Methodist, however neither of us is active or practices) and my husband and I 1000% did NOT want to write our own vows.

It’s such a personal thing, spilling your heart out about how you feel about each other. Plus the pressure to say something specific or to “match” each other’s sentimentality was unappealing and could possibly lead to disappointment. And I didn’t want to potentially cry and ruin my makeup etc. We did the standard answer back vows and I’m still happy with my decision. And I know my husband is too!

If you still want to do something special or sentimental, maybe write each other a letter to be read the morning of the wedding before you get ready. Good luck!